I had to make a good impression. An incredibly beautiful girl I’d just met a week prior was coming into my Verizon store on the Upper West Side for some tech support, and I really wanted to ask her out on some kind of date. I’d met her in a Verizon store, so I knew it was going to be tough to transition from Goofy Helpful Verizon Guy to Potential Mate. That’s a difficult one to pull off without getting “friendzoned”.

She knew to ask for me, because she contacted me on Facebook beforehand. Yes, we were Facebook friends. Yes, I sent her the friend request. Yes, I may have looked in her Verizon account to get the information I needed to find her on the social network. Yes, that is probably a fireable offense. Thank God she accepted.

Anyway, I knew what time she was supposed to be there, so I made sure to get rid of any pesky customers before her scheduled arrival.

Pesky Customer: “Hi, I need help setting up my email.”
Me: “We don’t do email. Contact your email provider.”
Another PC: “My photos don’t upload to Instagram.”
Me: “I don’t work for Instagram. Get lost.”
Another PC: “I’m not receiving phone calls.”
ME: “We don’t assist with….ah dammit.”

Fortunately, I was free when she came. Of course, I gave her top-notch customer service. One of my suggestions was a brand new phone, so I got up from my desk and walked over to the heavily secured phone closet in the back. Cynthia, another sales rep who was working that day, looked at me and giggled. I wasn’t sure why.

After finding a phone I thought would work for her, I headed back to my desk, but Cynthia called me over to hers.

“Joe, I need you to take a look at something for me,” she said.

“Can it wait?”

“It’ll only take a second.”

So I walked over to Cynthia, where she handed me this:

Always good for an ego boost
Always good for an ego boost

I don’t think I ever had such strong combined feelings of hilarity and embarrassment at the same time. I wanted to laugh out loud, but I also wanted to conceal what happened on the off chance the new girl didn’t notice. Luckily, she didn’t say anything. I think I was off the hook.

The new girl, by the way, was Evgeniya, who is now my wife.

And yes, I learned later, she definitely did notice.

Hey, she married me anyway.

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