The title is misleading, because it seems to hint that I’ll be talking about the weather. I don’t give a shit about the weather. The last time I cared about the weather, there was two and a half feet of snow on the ground. Then, all everybody talked about was the weather. Also, how many times can I type the word “weather”? Weather weather weather. Ha! You can’t stop me! I’ll type it whether you like it or not! See what I did there?
Anyway, I did care about the weather that day, because if I didn’t, I would die. Mortality gets my attention. I’m funny that way.
But that’s not what we’re here to discuss, is it? The topic of today’s blog entry is blogging itself. Late last year, my brother-in-law had this terrific idea. I was visiting him and my sister in Ohio when he told me about a friend of his that made anywhere from $2000-3000 a month from her website, TheKnowandGo. All she did was create a site with multiple pages of cities and their attractions, then Google puts ads on the page based on the content, which would of course be travel-related. He asked me why I couldn’t do the same thing.
“I don’t know…work ethic?”
But it hit me. My then-girlfriend-now-wife is a licensed NYC tour guide! I’m a humor writer! Sometimes! We live in the biggest tour destination in the country! I have to do this! And my website will be better because my content won’t be bland garbage, it’ll be funny and interesting!
So as soon as I got back to NYC, I bought a domain, a wordpress account, and started writing about NYC. My first blog entry took about three hours.
And I hated it.
I’ve hated writing almost every essay in this blog, to be quite honest. It always felt like a homework assignment, and some of them took way longer than a day. (“Okay, I have to include pictures, the address of the attraction, a Google map to–oh shit, how do you embed a Google map again?”) I really thought it would be fun, but it’s just not. So I started slipping and hardly writing. Then I just kind of stopped.
This has happened before. In 2005 I started a humor blog on blogger.com because I wanted to be the next Dave Barry. Since I wanted to be columnist, I didn’t use curse words and I kept everything in essay format. It got somewhat popular–maybe 600-800 web hits a day–then I just burnt out and quit.
What happened next is interesting. I had a profile on the old MySpace social network, which had a blogging function. For whatever reason, I started blogging there, but in a different way. I decided that I didn’t need to stay in the essay format. I didn’t even have to have a format. I’ll make up random dialogue if I want. I’ll post made up music lyrics. I’ll have my penis blog. I’ll use any curse word I want.
And I had fun.
And that blog exploded.
This is going to sound like bragging (and it totally is) but MySpace ranked their blogs every day based on some proprietary formula that calculated popularity. And one day my blog was the seventh most popular MySpace blog in the world. You know who was eighth? Justin Timberlake.
Haha! Suck it, JT!
Anyway, the point of today’s blog is this: I’m going to start blogging here again, but I’m not doing anymore homework assignments. I just want to have fun, and create fun stuff. And…journal the fun stuff. From here on out, the content of this website will simply be whatever the hell I want it to be. I imagine it’s mainly going to be a journal of the life of a wannabe comic/humor writer and his beautiful wife, but hey, you never know.
Maybe I’ll let Timberlake guest blog.
P.S. This blog took me 25 minutes, tops. From now on, I’m free-flow writing here. Whatever my stupid fingers type is what stays.