It took over 35 years, but karma finally came back to bite me.
Let me explain: I don’t give much of a damn about any movies or TV shows anymore. A new TV series? Who cares. A new Marvel action movie? Piss off.
But Star Wars has arrived in theaters.
Star Freakin’ Wars!
If you’re not a fan, it’s okay, I sort of get it. You were abused as a child or not from America or something. But pretty much everyone else is going apeshit over the release of this movie, myself included. I was a huge fan as a child, and the magic of reliving that part of my childhood, in addition to the outstanding reviews, had me going out of my way to sit in a theater for the first time in, well, just about ever. I wasn’t crazy enough to go the very first night, so I planned on going soon after. I just had to make sure to avoid…
(Cue the “Jaws” theme music)
…the dreaded Movie Spoiler.
I have over 4,000 friends on Facebook. Collectively, they’re all bright, courteous, fun-loving people, and I bet if you asked every single one of them individually, they’d each say that they’d “never spoil the new movie for anyone”.
But there’s something about large populations of people. There has to be some mathematical formula that says “If the number of people (x) is greater than or equal to (y), then one of them will be stupid enough to post a huge shitty spoiler right there on your Facebook home page (z).”
Apparently y is less than or equal to 4,000, because someone did. Minutes after the first showing. There’s always that one.
To her credit, after the thread below her post turned into a near-riot, she deleted it. And, I couldn’t really get that mad. You see, I kind of deserve it. In 1980, my dad took me to see The Empire Strikes Back on opening weekend. The line for tickets went all the way outside and around the building. I was nine-years-old, so I don’t really remember waiting in it. Heck, I hardly remember watching the movie. I do remember the feeling of awe about how good it was, especially the incredible plot twist at the end.
And, I also remember walking out of the theater with my father, alongside the long line for the next showing of the movie, and saying out loud for everyone to hear, “Dad, can you BELIEVE Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker’s father?!?”
I really did this. Intentionally. I have no idea why.
So, Miss Spoiler, I have received my well-deserved karma. Because of this, I forgive you.
This one time.
Don’t let it happen on the sequel.
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UPDATE: I saw the movie. It was fantastically fun. If you want to safely talk about it without spoiling it for anyone on Facebook, go the Facebook page I created HERE.